::Rape
2:13 a.m. - 2007-04-13
As i've mentioned before, i'm currently reading Lucky by Alice Sebold, author of one of my favorite books, Lovely Bones.
I will get to why i mentioned this slightly later in this entry but for now, i came across this on Tomorrow.sg.
I couldn't access the actual article but i believe some brave young woman had actually caught some cheeky Ah Pek who had tried to take pictures up her skirt while on the escalator.
I applaud this young lady for her courage and for putting it up on her blog. But i'm utterly disappointed with the kind of comments people have written in response to this article.
Most people feel that women ask for it by wearing short skirts. I think that's A grade bullshit. How on earth do you ask for your modesty to be outraged?
Which woman in her right mind wants some old man taking pictures of her knickers? More importantly, which woman out there wants to be objectified/degraded or even treated like shit?
I have constantly argued with friends over this asking for it theory. I have had friends who have been molested and even heard of cases of rape and sexual abuse. When i mention this to a bunch of other people, they often retort that the girl probably was out really late at night or was dressed skimpily.
I don't quite get it. So its okay for someone to rape a girl because she's scantily clad? What does that mean? That she is not a victim but actually just an instigator?
Does that mean i can say, you deserve to get robbed because you carried your handbag in your hand? That you deserved to get knocked down by a car because you crossed the road? That you deserved to get pictures of your knickers taken cos you wore a short skirt?
Rape and outrage of modesty isn't committed by normal men with carnal desires as we might think. Its caused by men with extremely low egos who are unable to satiate their sexual desires through normal intercourse. People who see this need to exert some kind of force over a woman to actually be sexually satisfied.
That is a monster, not a man. And that monster is capable of raping anyone ranging from a child to a grandmother. Was the grandmother asking for it? Was the child asking for it because she was wearing a swimsuit in a swimming pool?
I plead with my friends to be a little more matured when it comes to this issue. People do not ask to be raped. People do not ask to be molested. It is not something a normal person would want.
Someone even made mention that women shouldn't make a fuss when men ogle at them because they dressed up for men. Indeed, it is an innate tendency to dress to impress and we are flattered when we get a few admiring gazes. But that does not give any man the right to undress you with his eyes nor even lay a finger or a camera near you.
The first thing professionals tell rape victims and victims of outrage of modesty is that its not their fault.
So let us be a little more forward in our thinking and allow women to dress as they please. If women can go out in the company of normal men in bikinis and not get raped, i do not understand what the issue is. Its one thing to secretly admire these sexy or beautiful women or to even harbour thoughts in your mind. Another to actually do something about it.
Which in some way is connected to this book i'm currently reading. Its been one of the most painful books to read and yet i cannot seem to put it down. Lucky deals with the writer's true experiences of dealing with being raped on the last day of high school. Some of the details are so graphic they've made me so angry,so upset,so afraid and simply so admiring of Alice Sebold's character.
And she realises too that there are many out there who would often live thinking they are alone in their battles and that they deserved whatever they might have got from their rapists/molestors. And by sharing her story, she manages to prove that no one is alone in this grief and most importantly, that it is possible to overcome it. It is an amazing book that i insist everyone should read and i really thank that one person who went to great extents to help me get this book.
I leave you with an excerpt of the book. I caution you that if you're already convinced that you want to read this book, don't read further as it'd be a spoiler. If you aren't please read and be convinced. The following words are very very graphic so please read with discretion.
"Now the bra"
I did.
He reached out and grabbed them- my breasts- in his two hands. He plied them and squeezed them, manipulating them right down to my ribs. Twisting. I hope that to say this hurt isn't necessary here.
"Please don't do this please," I said. "Nice white titties," he said. And the words made me give them up, lobbing off each part of my body as he claimed ownership-the mouth,the tongue,my breasts.
"I'm cold," i said.
"Lay down."
"On the groudn?" I asked, stupidly,hopelessly. I saw,among the leaves and glass,the grave. My body stretched out, disassembled,gagged,dead.
I sat first,kind of stumbled into a seated position. He took the end of my pants and tugged. As i tried to hide my nakedness-at least i had my underpants on-he looked down at my body. I still feel that in that gaze his eyes lit up my sickly pale skin in that dark tunnel. Made it all- my flesh- suddenly horrible. Ugly too kind a word but closest one.
"You're the worst bitch i ever done this to," he said. It was said in disgust,it was said in analysis. He saw what he had bagged and didn't like his catch.
No matter,he would finish.
..........
He called me bitch. He told me i was dry.
"I'm sorry," I said- I never stopped apologising. "I'm a virgin," I said.
...
The base of my spine was crushed into the ground. Glass cut me on my back and behind....
They took pubic clippings and combings and samples of blood and semen and vaginal discharge. When i would wince, Mary Alice squeezed my hand harder. The nurse tried to make conversation; asked Mary Alice what she majored in up at the school, told me i was lucky to have such a good friend, said that being beaten up like i had would make the cops listen to me more attentively.
"There is so much blood," I heard Dr.Husa say worriedly to the nurse....
"Alice," Dr.Husa said, "we are going to let you urinate now but then i'll have to take the stitches inside."
The nurse helped me sit up and then scooted a bedpan under me. I urinated for such a long time that the nurse and Mary Alice made a point of it and laughed each time they thought I'd stopped. When i was done, what i saw was a bedpan full of blood, not urine. The nurse covered it quickly with paper from the examining table."
I'm sorry that i chose the most graphic bites of the story to place here but i figure that shock is the first emotion that'd have hit many of you and i hope that, that would make you go get this book.
Its available at Borders i believe so please do go get it.
