::i will survive
12:49 a.m. - 2007-03-25
There are some things that i JUST don't quite understand. My head is a little muddled right now and i much rather not go into detail about the current happenings so let me try my level best to express my opinions without stepping on any toes.
Firstly, why is there always this self-assumed responsibility people take when a relationship breaks down? Fair enough, the heartbroken or the heartbreaker might come to you in search of advice or just a listening ear. Makes sense for you to help them out as a good friend. But why is there this need to then talk to other friends about this, especially mutual friends, or friends of the other party to compare views and cross-examine a shattered relationship?
I mean, if i needed a PI or a Psychologist, I know where to find one. If i needed a marriage counsellor, I'd pay for one. But why do people decide they have to help you and that too in ways you never ever want!
Then there's this issue of accountability. I've had it with people who choose not to be accountable or responsible for their own words. If you say something, then stand by it and accept it. Don't be wishy washy, don't keep trying to find that loophole out of something you said. When you make judgements on other people, you are making yourself privy to that VERY same judgement. You didn't hear that from me cos the Bible said it first(just in much nicer terms!).
Thirdly, I just don't understand why people think it sucks to be honest,forthright and plain blatant. We keep talking about how we hate backbiters or people who talk incessantly about issues that don't concern them. Then why do you guys still have an issue with the fact that I am very confrontational?
If i like someone, i'd go to any extents to make sure they know it. This everyone should know,cos i've always spoke wonders about the ones i love and hold/held dear. Similarly, I am not a fan of people who choose to talk about me or make hasty judgements about me through my past/relationships/outward behaviour/habits. Thus, if i feel a need to confront such people, I just do. I mean, i don't like going around complaining or whining to other people when i can actually solve the problem.
As i was talking to one of my friends(we shall call him Boy who still thinks he is on SEP)... When i die, i want to make sure that everyone knows exactly what i think of them. I want the ones i held dear to be there, remembering and celebrating my life. Similarly, i want the ones who mean nothing to me, especially the ones who have chosen to criticise my every action to not even step close to my deathbed.
I learnt these things the hardest way. Not being able to be open enough or tell people the exact way i felt about them. And then i lost these people when i was finally willing to talk to them about these feelings. I've figured that i'm never quite gonna be taking any chances or tempting fate. If i like you, you'd already know. If i don't, you'd DEFINITELY know.
Call me a fighter cock, an angsty bitch, an arrogant girl, too strong-headed for my own good. I'll just tell you that i have a lot of pride but i'm not delusional. I know when i make mistakes, and i will accept it. But i will never ever regret anything(with the exception of ONE thing) in my life. I'll stand tall even if i'm chest-deep in mud.
Note to you: You are a jerk and i let you kill me. My bad. I should have known. I don't blame you for fucking it up, i blame myself for letting you fuck it up
First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to get along
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive (hey hey)
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little girl
who fell in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive (oh)
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
I will survive...!
-Gloria Gaynor
