::Don't speak..
6:54 p.m. - 2007-03-22
I'm not quite sure if all of you can see the more recent entries cos Diaryland seems to be playing punk with me. Nevertheless, i'm not quite writing to gain anyone's attention so it doesn't matter if this entry sees light.
Am currently at school in the midst of assignments and am really just feeling so drained out. I need some kind of relief. Any relief. Anyone out there with any ideas?
A few things have happened that have made me think and rethink lots of issues.
First, there was you. What you did. I am still kinda speechless about the whole thing but i guess it is meant to be. I hate you and i have no respect for you anymore but i know a little part of me will still always have an affection towards you. But you're the world's biggest hypocrite. You kept telling me not to run away, and now what have you done? It doesn't matter anymore. What goes around, comes around. I'm leaving you to Fate(and i pray she smacks you hard).
Yesterday, i bumped into a very old friend in the MRT. Yuva was probably my first ever out of school Indian male friend. It was quite refreshing to bump into him and i think he does read this place. He was telling me that he suddenly has realised that i've got lots of flamers. Then i also received two comments on my Friendster profile, which i have decided to delete because it is after all my space and i know what deserves to stay and what doesn't. I think this is all very juvenile. People are always going to hate me. No matter what type of a person i am, i am still going to have detractors of sorts. Why? Because these people have fixated mindsets and they choose to see only what they want to see.
People keep asking me, how come it never seems to affect me that i get "tormented" at the expense of public opinion. Its the mere realisation that i'm never going to be able to please
everyone. So why bother?
I'm a free bird and i'll soar as high as i want. Try to stop me cos you're probably just gonna end up scraping right into a tree.
This morning, i had to attend to a specialist's appointment thats been a long time in coming. I'm glad i finally decided to get my head checked. As most of my friends know, i've had a slight system error and have these funny offhand spasms. I'm still unclear as to what they are, but at least i know i'm still sane after seeing a doctor. I hope that in time to come, these system errors will be fixed and i'd go back to being a mean fighting machine!
It made me think though about how i've never really given much thought to my body and most of us probably haven't either. We pretty much torture ourselves in such trying situations, pushing ourselves to beat limits that aren't humanly possible. I guess there's some point in time when you wake up and figure you really gotta treat yourself and your body better.
As you can tell, my head is a little cluttered with both physical and psychological problems. Hopefully things sort themselves out. Its been a tough week, but i've been through tougher.
You and me
We used to be together
Every day together always
I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And it it's real,
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me
I can see us dying ... are we?
