::Mon Amour.
1:18 a.m. - 2007-02-14
Love..
A many splendoured thing they say. A scary little tool i'd say. Nonetheless its a beautiful thing(beauty is a dangerous thing my friend).
Happy Valentines' Day to all of you. I think i've already mentioned my dearth of truly Happy Valentines' Day and i shan't go into that any further.
I thought it'd be an interesting day to remember some of my happier "love" days. These are random ramblings of memories i've shared with people i at one point in time had some intense feelings for(i shall refrain from using the word "love" cos i know we all have such different (mis)interpretations of that).
I still remember 3 years ago on my 16th Birthday when i met a certain interesting person. That was probably the start of my real relationships. Its still nice peeling through my older diaries and read the silly little things i had written about him. I recently ripped all of it off my diary and gave it to him as a souvenir. I guess those memories are fairly imprinted in my heart. It was such carefree days then. We never got to meet each other very often but when we did, we had such great fun. I still remember how he made me roll off a hill in Botanic Gardens but caught me right before i fell. The special feelings he caused in my tummy and how proud i felt to sit next to him. Don't forget the 16 year old insecurities and of course the sneaky midnight phone conversations that you prayed your mother would never hear. Unfortunately things didn't work out and he's happily settled down with another girl now. :)
Then there was this other very interesting character i met who taught me a thing or two about commitment and loyalty. He'd borrow storybooks for me from the College library that he knew i'd love to read. We'd have the most intellectual conversations of all sorts. I still remember this one Von Dutch handbag i badly wanted. He practically stuffed it into his schoolbag after hastily buying it for me so that none of his friends would see. I had never been with someone who spent so much effort and made me feel so beautiful. Busrides after college were amazing. Unfortunately things didn't work out and he's happily settled down with another girl now. :)
Then there was this other cute boy from college who bought me this flamingo soft toy and filled its mouth with little bits of papers of reasons why he loved me.(silly boy actually repeated some of the reasons but i really appreciated the effort).
My other more serious relationship was with this dancer-boy(chindian). That was when i seriously started thinking about my future and i truly tried to make things work. I loved his family and his little sister was somewhat like a daughter to me. I remember the days we'd bring her to the library and get her books. Once her slippers tore and we had to take turns to carry her home and carry her 8 books as well. Crazy little girl. He was the kind of person who'd be with me wherever i was and whatever i was doing. He always made sure he was there. But i guess things weren't meant to be(i'm being nice to him by stopping the story here.Seriously.)
But i guess the one person that made my head spin and my heart beat just a tad faster all the time was the last relationship i was in.
We met in the most dizzy-ing sort of way and i kind of fell in love almost instantaneously. Everyday was magic. We met everyday. He was the life of every party and i had never been prouder than the days i was with him. He comforted me, just with that little kiss on the forehead or that silly joke that was supposed to make me laugh. He'd entertain me with his mock Thai and hippity hops(trust me, i've got videos to show!). He was so passionate about life, yet so stubborn and steadfast in his ideas. His family's beautiful and i felt so much a part of him. There was so much love and it was balanced by the fact that i actually saw such a bright future with him. I remember one night when he was fairly high and we were sitting across Boat Quay and he actually held me and told me that he'd always take care of me. Even if it means he had to work day and night and i just stayed at home, he'll still do everything on earth to make sure i'm content. Funny thing is, i actually still do believe it.
I still think you're the perfect one. I still think you're the only one who could practice my Step Up moves with me and camerawhore with me. I still think you're the only one who'd buy the whole foodcourt just to fill my tummy. The only one who doesn't care about the extra tubby on my hips, who'd have no difficulty carrying me. The one who'd make me laugh till my tummy hurt. Who'd tell me little stories and snippets of information. The one who'd help me reinvent myself and give me the best possible advice i'd need. The one who showed me self sacrifice and more importantly true love. You gave it all up for me and i'm sure that its you and only you.
Its just so difficult right now that we keep getting the timings wrong. When you're ready to talk, i'm still choked with emotions. When i'm willing to talk, you just don't pick up the phone. Where do we go? What do we do? All i'm truly wishing is that we either end this or get back to that fairytale. This hanging in between is just killing me.
I love you. Always will.
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