::canvas.
6:40 p.m. - 2006-10-07
I'm on a personality change right now. Yes,over the years i've been loved/hated/admired/jeered/emulated/exonerated and mostly talked about with regards to my personality.
I've always believed that I speak what i want and i mean what i say. I do away with niceties but I've always prided myself in being sincere if not anything else.
Yes,I do have a reputation and 90% of the people who actually read my blog, do it more so to see when I will break or to find some more ammunition to use against me. Trust me though, you'd never see my spirit break. I've come beyond days when my soul was malleable and nothing deters me or shocks me.
Yes, i came close to letting everything get the better of me a few days ago when i found out the most hurting of truths. But I've realised that this is not the worst thing I've been through.
You asked me if i still love you. Yes, i do and i always will. But i love a lot of people and love a lot of things. What was different was that i trusted you and i trusted myself in you. That has now changed. And you say that time can bring that back. But i know myself. I take well to anything but dishonesty,betrayal and distrust.
To all those of you who are happy or are gleeing in the fact that my happily ever after story is no longer, Thank you so much. Because of people like yourselves, I will continuously be a pain and eternally piss you off with my in your face attitude.
Stop hating me for things I never did to you. Even the people who were angry directly at something i did to them, no longer hold the hatred towards me. Who are you to hate me when you're not even worthy of my recognition?
If you decide that you want to hate me no matter what, tell me. At least then I will know to direct all my attitude towards you cos being nice to you wouldn't be worthy anyway.
To those of you who constantly direct your moral judgements to me, please stuff them down your behind. I don't recall insisting that the whole world live the exact way I am. How would you like it if a vegetarian hated you just because you along with a million other people eat meat? And they constantly remind you you're a murderer? So stop hating me just because I am living my life.
I have never hid myself behind a veil or pretended to be a bunch of people I am not. Anyone who knows me will know that I have always been so consistent in who I am and what i do.
Really, if you have heard so much about me and you're intimidated by me or would like to make an impression of me, at least talk to me for 10 minutes and I'm sure i could prove otherwise.
I don't understand why i constantly have to come to my own personal space and channel for opinions and justify my existence. Its tiring and i wish everyone would stop really. You've been talking about me since i was 16. Doesn't it get tiring?
